Wishes

The longer I live, the more I realize that many of the things we "wish" or "wonder" which seem to crop up at inopportune moments, are planted by the enemy of our souls, to side track us from serving The Blessed Saviour.

Often when I get caught up in thinking about things that will, in this life, remain unanswered questions, I realize that it is nearly impossible to do much for The LORD.  We are weak and God pities us, "For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust." Psalms 103:14  He made us. He understands that, at times, in our human frailty, we can't help ourselves.

A few weeks ago is when I turned a corner. My pent up grief and anquish of heart and mind, along with the final scribbs of my broken and shattered dreams, were destroying my life. In the course of 4 years, which is about the time things began to spiral downward, I had to let go of relationships, dreams, hopes, wants and wishes. Crushed, broken, and bleeding, literally wanting to die, dying inside repeatedly, but burying that anquish and pain was needful for the good of the rest of my family who were experiencing the very same feelings as I.


Most nights I would lie awake, waiting, until I knew everyone else was asleep, into the wee hours of the morning crying and praying. I got a very real, too real, feel for what David must have felt when he said:


 "Have mercy upon me, O LORD; for I am weak: O LORD, heal me; for my bones are vexed." Psalms 6:2


 "I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears." Psalms 6:6


 "I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint: my heart is like wax; it is melted in the midst of my bowels."  Psalms 22:14

 "I may tell all my bones: they look and stare upon me." Psalms 22:17

 "For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing: my strength faileth because of mine iniquity, and my bones are consumed." Psalms 31:10 

"When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long." Psalms 32:3

 But I HAD TO BE the strong one. I HAD TO BE the one who drew upon strength that I didn't even know I had, strength from God, and what He put in us that enables us in this body of clay to exceed human reasoning in difficult situations. To say I don't know how I did it, is a huge understatement, because with all that went on, honestly, it's a miracle we are alive to tell about, and that we are still a family. Yes, it was that raw, and destructive.

Back to a few weeks ago. It was more-or-less an ordinary day. Later there was a bit of conflict and suddenly the dam of broke. Imagine the Grand Canyon dammed up and filled with water just cracking wide open....that was me. My guts hurt I cried so hard. I strained muscles in my face and eyes, and still have a minor twitch in my left eye from that moment. The sounds that came from my throat were unlike any I ever made before. It was more like an animal crying in anquish and pain. For a bit I thought I would never stop. Then I realized I had to stop or  I would lose it. I think I would have lost my mind, or had a "nervous breakdown." It was THAT bad. Only The LORD knows how I stopped. It wasn't me.

 "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee."Isaiah 26:3 

Since that time I've been in a battle. A battle of keeping my mind stayed on Christ  and the things of God, and of trusting Him, believing that though things look impossible to me, and though I can not see how "all things work together for the good...." in this or that situation, somehow the LORD is enabling me to do it.

Matthew 19:26   But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.

Luke 1:37   For with God nothing shall be impossible.

Luke 18:27   And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.

Romans 8:28   And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

All this has drawn me into a different place with The LORD. That is the only way I can say it. New peace is mine, but the battles are not finished, and I know that.

Another help it has been, (Look! Romans 8:28 is coming true just in that statement which I didn't even realize until I wrote it) is that it's helping me to trust my husband more, and trust The LORD with it working out for our best. That's been harder than it sounds.

"Wives, SUBMIT yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." Ephesians 5:22

"Wives, SUBMIT yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord." Colossians 3:18

For instance, when I have knowledge or experience about a certain product, but he doesn't, and he wants to buy it anyway, stating my concerns once or not at all depending on the clues I MUST pick up on, is tough. Lately I am really trying not to say anything unless he asks. I am learning to keep quiet and let him do as he wishes, pleases, or wants, regardless of the outcome, and keeping my attitude and spirit right, whether the endeavor is a success or failure. ( I fail at this many times.)

"And when he would not be persuaded , we ceased , saying , The will of the Lord be done." Acts 21:14

"And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God." Romans 8:27

"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Romans 12:2

"Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come , who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts: and then shall every man have praise of God." 1 Corinthians 4:5

One particular day years ago,  when I was really struggling with submitting to my husband, the skies parted and I heard a voice say, "Submission to your husband is not about trusting your husband, it is about trusting Me".

Ok, the skies really didn't part, and that voice was still and small, none-the-less, that statement is true.

Submission to your husband (or any God ordained authority**) is not about you trusting them. It is about you putting and keeping your faith and trust in the LORD, acknowledging that He is in control, working for your good, even when it seems impossible. With Him it is possible and TRUE.


If we allow ourselves to be consumed with our trials without seeking The LORD's help, without wanting His will even when it deeply pains us to the very core of our soul, we give place to the devil*.


That's why I said, "The longer I live, the more I realize that many of the things we "wish" or "wonder" which seem to crop up at inopportune moments, are planted by the enemy of our souls, to side track us in serving The Blessed Saviour."

*Ephesians 4:22, 23, 24,27  "That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man,...  And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness....Neither give place to the devil."


**Hebrews 13:17 "OBEY THEM THAT HAVE THE RULE OVER YOU, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that [is] unprofitable for you."

1 Samuel 15:22 "And Samuel said, Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams."


(Disclaimer: Scriptures sited here may not be dispensationally correct, but have been used to present principles,  stated or implied. The purpose is to glorify God, and to encourage and edify to the saints.)