This is my last post until we get back on Monday. It's been a busy, crazy day...a real mixture of excited anticipation and S_T_R_E_S_S STREEEESSSSSSSSSSS..... But we are all anxious, in a good way, to see what the LORD has in store for us at the meetings. Every turn of the clock brings with it fresh provision for our needs to get us there and home again. It is really neat to see God work when you go by faith, or plan to do so. The dear Bro. who is coming to our church, he's 73, and can't walk very well, but is able to care for himself. He wanted to go with us too. And we wanted to take him along. The catch was finding a place for him to stay. We pulled out the video of the first Blitz in 2003, which this is not a true blitz, but a memorial for Bro. Hance whose heart was street ministry/preaching.
Watching the video was bittersweet. There are many faces we do not see anymore bcz the world, the flesh and the devil have pulled them away from serving Our Blessed Saviour. On the other hand, there are faces we can't see this trip because these dear saints of God are off in distant lands preaching the gospel to the people there. That is bitter-sweet. Oh my, seeing my children, they were so small, and zealous, and comical. Joshua is so small, and his Bible looked huge under his little arm. And he looked adorable in his dress clothes complete with suspenders. He was so happy to be holding a scripture sign for Jesus. David too was small, holding up a banner the same height as he was, and having his bible tucked in the back waistband of his pants--he thought that was the greatest thing EVER! So many memories!!! It was at that blitz that Josh was called to preach. At one blitz Joy got saved. Charity was saved at the next one. And David got saved, or is sure he got saved, the week after we came home. Obviously, these trips are not about having a vacation, though for us, the getting away, the fellowship, the camaraderie around dear brothers and sisters in Christ who serve the LORD with gladness and love Him so much makes it FEEL LIKE a vacation. It is such a season of refreshing. Any of you who have the means and the time to make the trip should come and see for yourselves. Each year somehow changed our lives for the glory of the LORD. And that is what we need, we need to be conformed to the image of Christ more and more, and have a heart that is glad the HE CAN USE US. Instead of thinking to ourselves that he is lucky to have us; or we are nor worthy, or not able to serve Him. In our flesh and our own strength we cannot serve or bring glory to Him, but the BLessed Holy Spirit enables us to do things which humanly seem impossible.
For example, I have learned to play the piano. This desire has been in my heart for a long time, but it was after that first blitz that God showed me HE can teach me (though the words of a dear bro.) bcz HE created music. Though I do not play very well, and have MUCH MORE to learn, Jesus is teaching me to play. And I LOVE IT! I can lose myself at the piano, playing for hours and hours, if I didn't have my family to take care of. It is my sure belief that the reason why God has used these meetings, the sermons, etc, to change and mould our lives for the better for His use, is because we want that. We WANT Him to use us. We WANT to be busy DOING HIS WILL. That's not to say we don't have moments that we doubt, or wonder what His will even is...but HIS will is on our hearts and minds, to find it, or try to do it. Yes, we fail, miserably. But that is when He is all the more gracious, loving and kind. He doesn't tell us to get away, or push us off, but pulls us close to His loving breast, dresses our wounds, dries our tears and pats us on the back with a "there, there my child" and we can go on BECAUSE OF HIM. That's why we are where we are, why we do what we do, why we ANTICIPATE with JOY what HE has in store for us this weekend. PRAY for us, Please!!!!
David and I talked on the phone for more than TWO hours last night!!! God is so good. What a blessing! What a miracle. Our chat was a little bit of goofiness,you know the kind that you get into on the phone, but it was more about life and the things God is showing him, and leading him. He just oozes JOY in Jesus LETTING him serve Him. That was his exact words. My heart is overflowing with joy! I put together some school supplies to encourage him as he starts Bible School in a couple weeks. When your son tells you he is reading his Bible and praying, and sharing with you how the Holy Spirit speaks to him about this or that, and brings scripture to his mind; when he called here about 2 weeks ago to tell us he'd led a 13 yr. boy to the LORD when they were out street preaching in Buffalo--let me tell you he was EXCITED!!!! Bouncing off the walls excited. PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!
Alrighty, I know I wanted to gab a bit more about other things but we are leaving around 4am, and I have a few things to do before I hit the hay....so I will send this off to you. Please keep us all in your prayers. We need all we can get.
Love,
Terry at Home in Pa www.boazbaptist.com/www.freewebs.com/joyfulhelpmeetathome/http://joyfulhelpmeetathome.blogspot.com/http://geocities.com/joyfulhelpmeetathome/http://www.blujay.com/1914wife/
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Why I was out of touch and MIA
Dear Friends,
Please forgive my sending yet another "mass mail" update on things here on the homefront. It goes against my personal feelings about writing letters to those I care about, and who, hopefully, care about me in return. I have several messages in my mailbox dating back to January! Oy! Talk about feeling ashamed...the word crumb and heel come quickly to mind. If you've emailed me and not gotten a response, it is NOT because I don't want to respond, but a real struggle with getting my priorities in order and keeping them that way.
In the months since I really wrote to anyone, so much has gone on that it is hard to know where to start. The situations that ensued pierced us all to the very core. Our marriage was on the rocks; our family was divided; our hearts were broken. There is no way to tell you how hypocritical, and alone we all felt during our time of being tried. Difficulty in life brings out the best and the worst that is in us...and let me tell you that MUCH more of the worse was showing than the best. What made things harder was knowing in our heart and soul that how we were all feeling individually was really not right. And doing right is hard when your heart isn't in it. Going through motions without the proper heart motive is empty. We went in cycles of who the enemy was, even though we really knew, and know, that the REAL enemy was satan or his cohorts. They were out to wreck our lives, ruin our pitiful testimony, drag us into the muck and mire of despondency and despair, and so they did, for a while. The expression " A house divided cannot stand" is true. During the worst of it, the LORD let us each have little break-throughs, and helped us set aside our will for the good of the family. This was NOT easy.
The whole time I really wanted to stop trying and give up. God wouldn't allow me to do that with a clear conscience. It was sooooooooooo hard. I kept looking at what was going on and trying to blame someone, and yet I knew that all the blame didn't rest on any one person, or situation. Our furnace time was a culmination of many events rolled into one, and it came at us full speed when we least expected.
This was probably the biggest battle of my life. It nearly cost us our marriage and our family.
I spent many nights in tears, praying for peace, reconciliation, and for my family to be restored, for us to be united and for unity of spirit. This was extremely important. You see, my children and I put a lot of blame for certain situations squarely on my husband's shoulders. Being older and wise, I should have known better, but when you are hurt you don't always see things clearly, let alone scripturally; thus, as other trials came along at rapid fire pace, I put the blame completely on him, thinking if only he'd done _______ if only he didn't ____________, such and such would have been avoided. Hindsight makes it easy to lay the blame on others. Honestly, as terrible as this will sound, I reached a point where I was ready to do what so many have done before, even though I do not believe in it, even though God hates it.... Only God's grace and mercy kept me from doing that. There is no human explanation. Months of fighting within and without took a huge toll on me.
Then we nearly lost our oldest son to the world, the flesh and the devil. God is merciful to us, and turned him around. In the last week alone, he has called us to share how God is working in his life. He led his first soul to the LORD. He is going to start Bible institute in few weeks. After the missions trip to Honduras, the LORD really began dealing with him, or maybe he just started to hear Him. Either way, all of us know that he is a miracle. It is MUCH harder to come back to the LORD than it is to not leave in the first place. Our son knows this, and recognizes that God has given him another chance. Our prayer is that he will surrender to God's will whatever it may be.
As an offshoot of almost losing our firstborn, it was hard not to be extra hard on the rest of our children. And we went through several months of battles with them all. Much of the trouble stemmed from the previous months of hurt, disappointments, and missing their brother.
We have had to rearrange our thinking on many levels, and order our lives in a little bit different way than before. On top of that, our twins graduated this spring, and that is beginning to sink in. Presently, 3 of our 6 children are adults. The years have gone by far to quickly.
During the seasons of trials, many things we have wanted to do had to be placed on hold. Some will never be revived.
Someone called me last week, someone I LOVE alot. This person, at one time, considered me her best friend, and vice versa. She decided to take the opportunity to chew me out for not calling her enough. She told me she was lonely, and depressed, and threatened (in her way) not to call me anymore because I didn't call her enough, or when it was my turn. Oddly enough the phone call began pleasantly and was so nice, that when it turned ugly on me, I was shocked. After she hung up, I was very upset, and hurt, and angry..yes, angry. She basically said I didn't care about her or her feelings. In fact, that is how the conversation got turned around..she wanted to tell me how she feels...and when I tried to explain my side, without accusing her of anything, .... well... we just went around and around. Over the last few yrs. she has gotten upset with me and chosen not to speak to me for months at a time, she has been angry with me repeatedly, she has hurt me more than she will ever know. .... Once I started to rethink the call, it dawned on me that she never once asked me how I felt. I tried to tell her that it was not because I didn't want to talk to her. She knows nothing about how hard things were for us. Anyway... the LORD reminded me that during the time when we were best friends, she was striving to live for th eLORD, she was going to church, and seeking God's will for her life. When she stopped going to church, the rest soon followed and that is when the strife between us began. It dawned on me when I was talking to my husband about this that the problem is about how she feels, or how I feel, or how either of us feels about one another, it is about our goals. When our goals were the same, when we both wanted to please the LORD and serve Him, the love of Christ drew us close to one another: but since it now LOOKS LIKE our goals are not the same, the fight is on. The fight is not with me. Her fight is not with me, it is with the LORD. Her heart is not pursuing God's way and will for her life. It is all about her own will, her desires, her wants....and it LOOK LIKE, God is not a very big part of it. How can you tell this to someone you love, when you know that by doing so, you will not only hurt them, but other people who care about them will be hurt as well. But, as things stand between us now, a lot of pain has already been caused. Please pray for my friend. I have no idea how to make things better between us, and it grieves me that she is pained and that her pain causes pain to those she loves and those who love her.
The reason I shared this episode (with my friend) with you is so I can tell you that I have learned that you have to give up your will, your goals, your desires, et al.... to have the joy of the LORD and His Peace. You can't be selfish and selfless at the same time, they are complete opposites.
Lest you think I have forgotten you for no real reason, I have written all this with the hope that you will be spared some of the agony we have endured for our selfishness, and self-will; and that you will keep your eyes on God and HIS will. If you stray even a little from Him, do not delay in getting things right with Him.
Sometimes what seems it will destroy you, creates something new, and better. That is what is occurring here. The LORD has used all that we've endured, even this phone call from last week, to reshape us, to remould my thinking. Godwilling, what emerges will be a cleaner, brighter, usable vessel for Him.
Please keep in touch. My thoughts have been with you, and my prayers, though I have been out of touch via email these many months. Be Faithful!
Love In Jesus, Your Friend,
Terry at Home in Pa www.freewebs.com/boazbaptist/www.freewebs.com/joyfulhelpmeetathome/http://www.joyfulhelpmeetathome.blogger.com/http://www.geocities.com/joyfulhelpmeetathome/index.html/http://www.1914wife.blujay.com/
Please forgive my sending yet another "mass mail" update on things here on the homefront. It goes against my personal feelings about writing letters to those I care about, and who, hopefully, care about me in return. I have several messages in my mailbox dating back to January! Oy! Talk about feeling ashamed...the word crumb and heel come quickly to mind. If you've emailed me and not gotten a response, it is NOT because I don't want to respond, but a real struggle with getting my priorities in order and keeping them that way.
In the months since I really wrote to anyone, so much has gone on that it is hard to know where to start. The situations that ensued pierced us all to the very core. Our marriage was on the rocks; our family was divided; our hearts were broken. There is no way to tell you how hypocritical, and alone we all felt during our time of being tried. Difficulty in life brings out the best and the worst that is in us...and let me tell you that MUCH more of the worse was showing than the best. What made things harder was knowing in our heart and soul that how we were all feeling individually was really not right. And doing right is hard when your heart isn't in it. Going through motions without the proper heart motive is empty. We went in cycles of who the enemy was, even though we really knew, and know, that the REAL enemy was satan or his cohorts. They were out to wreck our lives, ruin our pitiful testimony, drag us into the muck and mire of despondency and despair, and so they did, for a while. The expression " A house divided cannot stand" is true. During the worst of it, the LORD let us each have little break-throughs, and helped us set aside our will for the good of the family. This was NOT easy.
The whole time I really wanted to stop trying and give up. God wouldn't allow me to do that with a clear conscience. It was sooooooooooo hard. I kept looking at what was going on and trying to blame someone, and yet I knew that all the blame didn't rest on any one person, or situation. Our furnace time was a culmination of many events rolled into one, and it came at us full speed when we least expected.
This was probably the biggest battle of my life. It nearly cost us our marriage and our family.
I spent many nights in tears, praying for peace, reconciliation, and for my family to be restored, for us to be united and for unity of spirit. This was extremely important. You see, my children and I put a lot of blame for certain situations squarely on my husband's shoulders. Being older and wise, I should have known better, but when you are hurt you don't always see things clearly, let alone scripturally; thus, as other trials came along at rapid fire pace, I put the blame completely on him, thinking if only he'd done _______ if only he didn't ____________, such and such would have been avoided. Hindsight makes it easy to lay the blame on others. Honestly, as terrible as this will sound, I reached a point where I was ready to do what so many have done before, even though I do not believe in it, even though God hates it.... Only God's grace and mercy kept me from doing that. There is no human explanation. Months of fighting within and without took a huge toll on me.
Then we nearly lost our oldest son to the world, the flesh and the devil. God is merciful to us, and turned him around. In the last week alone, he has called us to share how God is working in his life. He led his first soul to the LORD. He is going to start Bible institute in few weeks. After the missions trip to Honduras, the LORD really began dealing with him, or maybe he just started to hear Him. Either way, all of us know that he is a miracle. It is MUCH harder to come back to the LORD than it is to not leave in the first place. Our son knows this, and recognizes that God has given him another chance. Our prayer is that he will surrender to God's will whatever it may be.
As an offshoot of almost losing our firstborn, it was hard not to be extra hard on the rest of our children. And we went through several months of battles with them all. Much of the trouble stemmed from the previous months of hurt, disappointments, and missing their brother.
We have had to rearrange our thinking on many levels, and order our lives in a little bit different way than before. On top of that, our twins graduated this spring, and that is beginning to sink in. Presently, 3 of our 6 children are adults. The years have gone by far to quickly.
During the seasons of trials, many things we have wanted to do had to be placed on hold. Some will never be revived.
Someone called me last week, someone I LOVE alot. This person, at one time, considered me her best friend, and vice versa. She decided to take the opportunity to chew me out for not calling her enough. She told me she was lonely, and depressed, and threatened (in her way) not to call me anymore because I didn't call her enough, or when it was my turn. Oddly enough the phone call began pleasantly and was so nice, that when it turned ugly on me, I was shocked. After she hung up, I was very upset, and hurt, and angry..yes, angry. She basically said I didn't care about her or her feelings. In fact, that is how the conversation got turned around..she wanted to tell me how she feels...and when I tried to explain my side, without accusing her of anything, .... well... we just went around and around. Over the last few yrs. she has gotten upset with me and chosen not to speak to me for months at a time, she has been angry with me repeatedly, she has hurt me more than she will ever know. .... Once I started to rethink the call, it dawned on me that she never once asked me how I felt. I tried to tell her that it was not because I didn't want to talk to her. She knows nothing about how hard things were for us. Anyway... the LORD reminded me that during the time when we were best friends, she was striving to live for th eLORD, she was going to church, and seeking God's will for her life. When she stopped going to church, the rest soon followed and that is when the strife between us began. It dawned on me when I was talking to my husband about this that the problem is about how she feels, or how I feel, or how either of us feels about one another, it is about our goals. When our goals were the same, when we both wanted to please the LORD and serve Him, the love of Christ drew us close to one another: but since it now LOOKS LIKE our goals are not the same, the fight is on. The fight is not with me. Her fight is not with me, it is with the LORD. Her heart is not pursuing God's way and will for her life. It is all about her own will, her desires, her wants....and it LOOK LIKE, God is not a very big part of it. How can you tell this to someone you love, when you know that by doing so, you will not only hurt them, but other people who care about them will be hurt as well. But, as things stand between us now, a lot of pain has already been caused. Please pray for my friend. I have no idea how to make things better between us, and it grieves me that she is pained and that her pain causes pain to those she loves and those who love her.
The reason I shared this episode (with my friend) with you is so I can tell you that I have learned that you have to give up your will, your goals, your desires, et al.... to have the joy of the LORD and His Peace. You can't be selfish and selfless at the same time, they are complete opposites.
Lest you think I have forgotten you for no real reason, I have written all this with the hope that you will be spared some of the agony we have endured for our selfishness, and self-will; and that you will keep your eyes on God and HIS will. If you stray even a little from Him, do not delay in getting things right with Him.
Sometimes what seems it will destroy you, creates something new, and better. That is what is occurring here. The LORD has used all that we've endured, even this phone call from last week, to reshape us, to remould my thinking. Godwilling, what emerges will be a cleaner, brighter, usable vessel for Him.
Please keep in touch. My thoughts have been with you, and my prayers, though I have been out of touch via email these many months. Be Faithful!
Love In Jesus, Your Friend,
Terry at Home in Pa www.freewebs.com/boazbaptist/www.freewebs.com/joyfulhelpmeetathome/http://www.joyfulhelpmeetathome.blogger.com/http://www.geocities.com/joyfulhelpmeetathome/index.html/http://www.1914wife.blujay.com/
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